A Different Christmas… A Different Mom

On Christmas morning 2020, the three kids exclaimed, “Mom, this is the best Christmas ever!”  Isn’t that what every mom wants to hear?  It was awesome.  But, it also sent me into a tailspin. Why was this one different?  COVID could have certainly played a part, but I didn’t think so.  It hadn’t changed much for us as a family.  My...

Sunflowers

Tonight I am a weepy mess. I can’t even rationalize why. There are so many emotions. I took my husband to a simple doctor’s appointment to draw blood this morning. I looked over, and he had tremors. It was a new symptom. One I had not noticed before. His head was shaking front to back....

He is Risen – I am Forgiven (or am I?)

Today is Easter Sunday. It doesn't look like a typical Easter. We are in the midst of a world health crisis like no other in our lifetime. Storms are raging outside my window. Storms. It's a great metaphor for my feelings today. Secretly, I am relieved that folks can't dress up in their Sunday best...

He Doesn’t Remember

He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember our current house. It's one he lived in for over two years. He's only been in memory care three months. He was still driving a year ago. He is slipping away. It feels like the declines are accelerating. Yet, he still says every day that he is getting better....

A Month Into Placement

A little over a month… that’s where we are on my husband’s placement. Two family members have alluded to his placement as being an opportunity for the kids and I to be free to live our charmed life. They’re wrong. Dead wrong. There is nothing charmed about placing your husband or father in a memory...

Where do I start? Our memory care placement. . .

Do I start from 22 years ago when I first met my husband, and he shared that his dad had passed from early onset Alzheimer's (incorrect diagnosis but the closest the doctors could get to the real disease at the time)? Do I start from 10 years ago when my husband started exhibiting embarrassing child-like...

I’m Tired

For the last few weeks (months), I've been excessively tired.  The doctor ran blood work.  All is fine.  The tiredness has been stressing me, but then, I started a list of all the reasons that might be contributing to my tiredness.  Exercise aside (I really should have a cardio routine in place), my husband's disease...

Lost: The Wandering Has Begun

Oh, dear.  There are not words.  Knew this was a progression that would eventually occur, but I was so not ready for it.  My husband seems so high functioning in some ways.  He still goes to work.  He still goes to the gym.  He still walks.  The walking may have to come to an end....

“Bless Your Heart” – Family Denial

I'm sitting at a soccer field in the middle of the Great Smoky Mountains in Tennessee.  A text message pops up on my phone.  It is from my mother.  "Bless your heart."  That was all it said.  My response, "What do you mean by that?" My husband has been diagnosed for over two years with...

10 Year Facebook Challenge

So, a week ago a new Facebook Challenge emerged.  It was a challenge to post your first Facebook profile picture from 10 years ago (or so) and the most recent one.  The profile photos of friends popped up on my timeline.  They all made me smile for various reasons.  It may have been the hairdos,...